Loving Your Self?

All childhood long most of us are taught; ”treat others as you would wish to be treated.”

The majority of us do at try at least half heartedly with this one. But how many of us actually extend it to ourselves? I know many compassionate loving people who give everything they can to others, bending over backwards to support and care for them, and yet they are so mean minded when it comes to themselves, beating themselves up over the merest of trifles and giving nothing, not even kind words or encouragement to themselves.

It makes little sense that we treat ourselves so poorly. The thoughts we have, the compassion we extend, and the kindness we show ourselves, determines everything about us. Our thoughts about ourselves, are exactly how we understand and define ourselves. We then go and reflect that understanding to the world, and in so doing, also show the world exactly what we in turn have to offer.

This means that the way we treat ourselves and think about ourselves is very powerful stuff. If you’re self-perception is lacking or negative, so to will be the people you feel drawn towards. You will not attract your ideal circumstances, experiences, or people, you will gravitate towards those that reflect your own self-concept. We seek out in others what we recognise and feel comfortable within ourselves. Therefore our concept of self, determines what we attract, or ultimately ‘have’ in our lives.

I do not believe for a second this is spiritual mystical or magical thinking, or that takes great thinking to wrap your brain around. It’s practical and straightforward. We are who we think we are. What we think we are will enable us to be happy and positive, or sad and negative. Sounds full-on if you’re a bit of a self-downer, but the good part is that changing this isn’t hard, it’s entirely within our reach.

You’ve got to address the idea of who you are and how you see yourself. What are you grateful for, what do you love, what humbles you, what do you believe in, who inspires you and who you wish to help and impact upon? These are a great place to start, really trying to see yourself for the person you are. Building a new concept or picture that really defines who you authentically are. Use this new ‘picture’ and these insights to rephrase the internal dialogue with new and helpful ‘talk’… and you’re practically there.

Luckily, most of are already quite skilled at being kind, understanding and compassionate to those we care about. To realize the benefits of self-compassion, therefore, all you need to do is turn around and apply those same skills toward yourself. It’s easier than you think, and it could change your life.