Is he or she going to come back to me?

“Will he come back to me?” is one of the questions I hear every single day in my work. It is this question alone that brings many people to a spiritual counsellor, like me, for the first time. They need answers, they need insight and they want to know if there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, if this pain will be taken away.

It’s human nature; everyone wants to know whether the one that they love, the source of their heartache will return having realised the stupidity of leaving someone as special as ourselves.

So this is the state many arrive in when they come for a reading; and it tends to set my internal alarm bells off. It is not an empowering question to ask, nor is it really helpful either… and the worst thing about it is that a positive response can really do little more than allay your fears temporarily and quite possibly see you putting your life in limbo as you faithfully wait on this person’s return at the expense of your own self esteem and personal growth.

And then what happens if when they return nothing has changed with them? That will be no good. If nothing has changed you can be sure you are going to end up in this very situation again, and that’s not acceptable people. You cannot allow yourself to be hurt twice by the same person – it’s your duty to look after you, and your best interests.

So, in that vein,  when you decide to set off and see a reader to find out whether he or she is coming back, add these questions on to your list. They will bring you far more insight and clarity:

  • What does spirit show as the ex’s motivation, emotional trigger for coming back? Is it because of their love for you, is it they now realise they are ready for a commitment, or have resolved another personal issue? or is it loneliness, financial strain, neediness or rebounding from another situation?
  • What shows up in the ex’s life at the time they resume contacting you again? What are the external factors in their life? This is a super important question for your psychic to ask on your behalf.  Because frankly, if their surrounding circumstances demonstrate that they are in crisis, or that they have lost their job, being forced to move house, or have had a major falling out with their family or friends, it is most likely that they are not in a state where they are able to make a balanced decision about resuming their relationship with you, and neither will they have the emotional bandwidth to really work on things with you. Don’t take people back when they are in crisis management. They must manage the crisis first and then you can talk about your relationship. Remember, you only want this person back in your life because they are really ready and on the same page as you.
  • Is the ex returning for any other reason besides their love for you. We need to see whether any of the following are indicated: financial hardship, personal loss, depression, loneliness,  financial insecurity. These are all major red flags, so pay attention to the answer you receive.
  • When they come back will they be ready for the level of commitment you want? There is no point going back for ‘more’ or further ‘waiting’ for them to get to where you want them to be. Its either on and they are committed, or its bye-bye. You’ve been hurt once, you’re going to do everything in your power to make sure that doesn’t happen again.
  • will you and person be together 18 months on from the time of their return? and what will those 18 months look like? ( I would also suggest you have a pretty clear idea of what your expectations are for that 18 month period, so that you know whether this is going to meet your expectations.)
  • With hindsight, say 18 months from now, will you be happy that you ‘waited’ for that person to return? Will they have loved you in a way that makes you feel loved? Will the way they treat you make you feel good and happy and safe.
  • Will you be able to trust them? will they betray your trust again?

Spirit won’t tell you what to do, and they won’t tell you that someone or something is a waste of time, all they will do is bring insight in a non-judgemental way, so make sure you understand how to get the most information out of your session and really think about which questions to ask…. “Will he or she come back?” is not enough to really help you…. xx

Amber | www.intothesoul.com