When we meet someone new, one of the first questions we ask ourselves will be, ‘is this person good for me?’ Understanding whether a person will make a positive impact in our lives is important. It helps us to prioritize the importance we attribute to the relationship, the amount of effort we invest, and the boundaries we set. It helps us avoid future disappointment, hurt and misunderstanding. Choosing good people to surround yourself with is one of the most important aspects of a happy life.

Here’s a set of questions that will enable you to understand a person deeply and recognise whether they make sense in your life.

1. What do they feel about their:

  • Life
  • Social life
  • Personal/Romantic life
  • Work
  • Themselves
  • You

2. How do they feel about their feelings?

  • Are they happy, sad, frustrated about the way they feel or are coping with their life?
  • For example; do they think their feelings are fair, unfair, regrettable, selfish?

3. Are they self-aware versus an entitled or immature personality type?

  • Do they discount their feelings?
  • Are they prone to intellectualizing?
  • Do they hide from or seek ways to numb their feelings?

 

4. Do they embrace the emotional side of themselves?

5. Where does emotional happiness sit in their priorities?

6. Do they see themselves as being happy?

  • What do they put this down to?
  • What do they think they need in order to be or feel happy?

7. What do they want from you?

8. What initially did they want from you?

9. Where do you sit or rank in their priorities?

10. What area of life do they think is most important to focus on going forward to achieve personal happiness?

11. Do they think you are happy?

12. What do they think is important to you in your relationship with them?

13. How do they think you view them?

14. Do they think you want them around long term?

15. How do they think you feel about them?

  • The way they treat you?
  • About a future with them?

16. What do they think you want from a relationship with them?

 

This is really helpful not just with serious partners, but also with new romantic prospects, our friends, and close work associates. You can use this to quickly re-examine existing relationships as well as new ones.