We’ve all been through heartache, but heartbreak is in a category all of its own. It is one of the worst kinds of pain that we experience. When heartbroken you literally feel as if you will never recover from the pain of loss you are experiencing. It becomes impossible to picture a future for yourself as you truly do not know how you will get through the day ahead of you. You actually cannot imagine going through an hour of the day, without thinking about or wishing for the person you have lost. Nothing takes away this sadness, it is as if you could drown in it.
More than anything I have put these thoughts down to try and help a little bit. There is no magic cure-all but there are some ways you can try and manage yourself through this painful and desperate time. Please when you are reading through these suggestions try and keep in the mind the idea that the recovering from heartbreak is a journey. It is not a life-sentence, or an interminably revolving door. Seeing it as a journey will empower you and help you survive it.healing heartbreak
- Accept your state of being. Acknowledge to yourself that your heartbreak is one of the most incredibly devastating pains you have experienced, and respect your suffering. You need to do this whether you have lost someone you were ‘dating’ for a short period of time or whether this is the loss of a long term partner or spouse. You must give yourself permission to feel the pain, no matter how deep, boundless or overwhelming it seems. Feeling it is the first step to controlling it. You felt it, you survived and you are still here… therefore you are stronger than this emotion you are experiencing and you are stronger than you were last time you allowed yourself to ‘feel’ it, acknowledge this to yourself.
- Validate yourself, by dealing with your emotional state seriously. You are worth taking care of and you are going to make sure you get the help you need. Heartbreak is devastating and can lead to major depression. So you have to take it seriously from the get go. When you are heart broken, your whole world feels broken. You might find yourself crying for days on end and having no ability to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Fight to control your thoughts and change your thinking, do not allow yourself to get into these bad habits, or if you already have, break them as fast as possible. Its okay to believe this is the worst pain ever, but you cannot allow yourself to believe that it will never end. Thinking it ‘will never end’ or ‘never stop hurting’ will become a self-fulfilling prophecy as you invest more and more energy into it. It is a high high risk thought to allow yourself.
- Healing is a process. When you are in the midst of this agony, it is hard to believe you will ever recover. I am not going to ask you to believe that you will ever be ‘the old you’ or feel the same way you did ‘before them’, but I do ask you this…. can you change your perspective enough to see your agony as a journey. Not a revolving-door, not an endless cycle, but a journey forward. My years of work with love and relationships tell me that if you can believe in this journey of recovery, then you will be able to find your way through it. Investing in the idea of a ‘journey of recovery’ or a healing process enables you (however slowly or minutely) to know that feeling better, and having your heart ‘work again’ is more than just a dream.
- Be a good friend to yourself. When I say that I do not mean be self-indulgent. What I mean is; give yourself the advice and care you would give to another, and take your own advice, however tough it seems. I know you don’t want to go out or make an effort or do anything, but force yourself to. You have to keep going and you have to manage yourself through this. You are not being a friend to yourself if you allow yourself to sit at home in despair. Yes, it is an act or a case of just going through the motions, and at first it will not feel authentic, but you need to do it, it is the only way out. You cannot heal without renewing your connection to others.
- Create a new routine or activity in your daily life. Yes again, I know you don’t want to, but again this is about ‘healing’, and healing is work… so don’t expect that you’re going to want to do it. You are healing through connecting with others, making a contribution and being disciplined in your mindset. So, start exercising, join a gym, or a club or an interest group of some sort that requires your attendance or participation at least 3 times a week. You need to fill in your time with positive, organised socially interactive activity. Volunteering is another great one. Even things like taking your dog to the dog park at the ‘busy’ time and becoming a part of the ‘regular group’ is perfect.
- Find a cause. Yes of course its corny and cliched, but it works. Finding a cause will raise your level of awareness and appreciation for what you have, even in your dire state of misery. I say this frequently, most of us are very very lucky to have the problems we have. In actual fact, many would consider heartbreak a worry that only the ‘lucky’ can afford. If you’re suffering from heart break, you are most likely not suffering a life threatening illness, living in a famine struck region, dealing with natural devastation or facing extreme poverty. The women in Ethiopia and Afghanistan who are trying to find a grain of rice for their babies would trade positions with you in a second. In comparison to their circumstance, yours is a luxury. I know it sounds odd to think this way, but the reason you do it is for perspective. Despite your suffering you are safe, you are in control and therefore you are lucky.When you authentically arrive at this realization, do something positive with it, volunteer, fund raise, educate or find a way to help those that you can sympathize with. I know I always quote Gandhi, but he’s so good! he says that in helping others we find ourselves, and truly he is correct.
- Be angry, don’t drown in it though!! Anger is human and natural and cathartic – and it can also be a great relief from feeling abject misery. Do not act upon your anger!! Just allow yourself to feel it and to let it pass through you. See the anger as releasing negativity, and helping you to heal.
- Connect with others. Even though you probably want to hermit yourself, you cannot allow too much of this behavior, nor can you allow yourself the thought that you are alone, as most certainly you are not. Fortunately or unfortunately depending on your situation, we humans have very loyal hearts and they can be incredibly hard to take back/re-clain once we have given them to another. Therefore, yes, humans have suffered broken hearts through out all time and will continue to do so through out all time. Its something you cant avoid, but you can manage. Knowing you are not alone means you can seek comfort and understanding from others. Find a shoulder to lean on, an ear to listen to you… Find a counselor, psychic or spiritual consultant. They can give you a different perspective on things in an unbiased way, and sharing your experience will help you.
- Let go. Finally, don’t contact your ex. Yes I know its all you can think about, and all you care about. And that in itself should be a big fat red flag to you. You have to pretty much treat this as an addiction. Contacting will not help you, putting yourself under his/her nose won’t either. Doing this only reinforces your sense of dependence on this person.
- Believe in you. You are perfect and you are exactly where you are meant to be in this life’s journey. Your hardships develop your compassion for others and the ability to assist those in need… you will survive, you will be a stronger person and you will learn many lessons about what to look for going forward….
Amber | www.intothesoul.com